Summer is not over yet for most people, but for me it is nearing its end. I teach at a year-round school and we start back next week. So, I will be preparing for the start of the school year this week. I should be at school right now. However, here I am avoiding work at all costs. I guess as a teacher, you determine dates and seasons by school calendars. When school starts, summer is over. When school starts, a new year begins even though the current year is only six months old. I will forever live by school calendars!

So, summer. What did I do? Where did it go? Let's see.......

I saw many movies this summer. Between Scott, Caryle, and my sister, I have managed to see several selections this summer. We even did the drive-in this summer. Although it was showing a flick I had seen earlier in the summer, I still enjoyed the whole drive-in experience. They have the best popcorn. Ever. I enjoyed most of the films this summer, but I really enjoyed Star Trek and Angels and Demons, in particular. Both were unexpected hits for me. I have never been a Star Trek fan and kind of found its universe to be a little boring and slightly slanted for the nerds of the world. And although I am no stud or candidate for Mr. Popular, I have never understood nerd languages and nuances, so I never belonged to that club. I felt Star Trek catered a bit to this elite group of people. I knew enough, however, to enjoy this summer's tribute to the TV series. It was well done with all the right elements: comedy, drama, action, romance, and an uncomplicated plot. Sometimes sci-fi/fantasy films feel the need to present unnecessary plots full of complicated twists and turns that are inevitably uninteresting and load the scenes full of characters that are never fully developed and have incredibly unusual names like Kookamachakookhoo, and you can never keep everyone straight, or even care to do so. Less is more, people. And Star Trek followed this thought well without being too light or too stupid. I really enjoyed how the characters were central to the story, as well as the development of their personalities that forged together to form the crew of the USS Enterprise.

Angels and Demons was just a surprise. Scott suggested we see it and we both had heard it was good. So, we went. I loved it. Never read the book. Never read the da Vinci Code. Never saw that movie either. I just loved the the thrill of the whole Angels and Demons movie. I was literally on the edge of my seat throughout the whole experience. It was well acted, well written, and well directed. The movie moved at a fast pace and it kept you guessing right up until the end. I was really glad I took the time to go and see it. I wonder how many great movies I have missed because they just didn't seem interesting to me. The last movie I can remember feeling surprised by was Jerry Maguire. I went to that flick dragging my feet the whole way to my seat, but figured I would at least enjoy the popcorn. Surprise!

What else?

Well, I spent a great deal of time with Nash and Emerson. Surprise! They continue to grow and it amazes me every time I see them. They are looking bigger and older with each passing day. Both are crawling like crazy and their new found mobility has probably been the biggest change in our lives with them. And in the amount of energy it takes to watch them. This, I know, is only going to get crazier as the year progresses. Nash is bound and determined to walk very soon. I believe he will be by their first birthday in September. He loves to be moving. He doesn't like sitting in his car seat for too long as he wants to be up and moving. He is very smiley and screams at the top of his lungs when excited or happy. He also screams and pouts when things don't go his way. You always know how Nash is feeling. His easy smile, however, just makes me melt.

Emerson, on the other hand is not quite as physical as her older brother. She is moving too, but she is sometimes more content to just sit back and observe the crowd. In fact, that is what she does best. She is a studier. For the longest time, she would not smile at anyone right away. She would stare them down and study every facet of their being. She still does that a lot with people she doesn't know well. However, this summer, she has started to smile a lot and even better, recognizes me when she sees me! Whenever she sees me now, she will smile really big and even giggle a bit. Both her and Nash have been around me enough this summer to recognize who I am. I walked into their room the other day when they were playing on the floor and they both turned, smiled, giggled, and started racing over on their knees to see me. At that point, Nash started climbing over me and Emerson attempted to hold her arms out wanting to be held. I could just squeeze 'em both!!

I took two trips this summer. One to Michigan with Caryle and friends, and another short weekend getaway to Kansas City with Caryle, my sister and her family. Both were fun adventures. Michigan was a very relaxing experience. I do not know if it is the effect of water or what, but things are just a little bit easier and less hectic up there. I wish I could bottle that up somehow. I wish I could bring some of that laid back feeling to my home. I guess when you are in your own home you tend to see all the things that need to be done rather than taking the time to enjoy what is there. That will be a hard habit for me to break. But, I enjoyed the trip and took in the relaxing nature of the experience and had a good time with friends and family. My aunt and uncle are two very unique people who know how to entertain and pamper all those who visit them. My friends have been to Michigan before and absolutely love Lew and Linda. This time was no different. We laughed, swam, ate, laughed, ate, boated, laughed, ate, shopped, laughed and ate again. Good times all around. Once again, we managed to discover new vocabulary and fascinating things as we do on every trip we take together. We thought the albino anaconda was a good one when we were in the Keys in March, but this Michigan trip provided us with new insights such as conspiring and vcooter cut swimwear. Had to be there.

The Fourth of July had a very different feeling this year. No barbecues, parades, fireworks, or sunny days. This year was rainy, and gloomy. So, we ventured to Kansas City for the weekend. Rainy there as well but much hotter and humid down there. Now, we took Nash and Emerson along so we knew the entire weekend would be dictated to us by two ten month olds. We stayed at a nice hotel, shopped at the Plaza, ate Italian food, took the kids swimming, and collapsed by 10:00 that night. No late night fireworks for us. The heat and humidity, as well as the constant care for the children, wore me out. Good night, Margaret! Nevertheless, I enjoyed the trip and realized that Kansas City is not all that far from us. We really should take more advantage of this unique city. I would secretly love to go to Worlds of Fun again! I think I was 16 when I was last there. Wow.

So now it is back to school time and I will openly admit that I am not quite ready or willing to go back yet. However, I love the YRE schedule and I know I have only nine weeks to get through before a great three week break this fall. The break in the fall is always the best as the weather is incredible and I just love that transition in the seasons. So, I will start counting the days until September 18!!




Emerson looking all cute!





Nash looking all cute!





The Gang in Michigan





Hang on Tim!





Tube time with Little Miss Rebecca





Drive-In goodies!

I find this photo hilarious. This is the last shot of me and my mother prior to her death a year ago today. I thought I better get to my computer quickly so that I could make it before the 17th fades into the 18th and the opportunity disappears. Don't you just want to add cartoon bubbles to this picture? What the hell would my mother be saying? The look on my mother's face is one of fright and she is looking right in my direction. Granted, someone of a sane mind would probably also adopt such a look had they been sitting next to Jabba the Hutt in a bathrobe, but nonetheless, this picture cracks me up. I guess only fitting for our last photo together as we both shared a healthy sense of humor. Notice me cracking open another heart smart serving of Mountain Dew. Great for that expansive waistline going on in there. Ah well. Nice legs, though.

Today does mark the one year anniversary of my mother's death. Wow, to think where I was a year ago and what I was doing on this very night. If my memory serves, I was pacing the forbidden room upstairs while my dad slept (soundly, I believe) downstairs on the very couch where my mother had died hours earlier. He only did it for that one night and I certainly understood. I, on the other hand, was in no mood for sleep. I was still processing what had happened. No, wait, I wasn't doing that. I'm still not sure I have entirely done that yet. I was in instant planning mode. I was thinking of what needed to be done, what I was going to wear for the upcoming funeral, making final arrangements for the memorial video, and instantly feeling the need to speak at my mother's prayer service. I wasn't planning on that, and I never would have ever thought I could do something like that, but all of a sudden I began pacing, planning, and preparing a speech for something I wasn't sure I could do in the first place. I did eventually speak and I was glad that I did. I kept it light and humorous and she would have loved it. But needless to say, I enjoyed April 17th a lot more this year than last.

I would kill small children (yes, and sorry) to have my mother back. But I will never wish to go through another April 17th, 2008 again. I did things that day that I never thought I would do without embarrassment or disgust. Now mind you, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything, I just do not want to live it again. So when I think of the numerous times I wiped the blood and mucus from my mother's nose, combed her incredibly thin hair drenched in sweat, and helped clean and change her while avoiding her right side that was clearly swollen and extremely painful for her, I would do it all over again because I was/am her son. But to have her back again in that way or to even have her back so she could see my sister's kids, hold them, enjoy them, and play with them, but then to have her get sick again, NO WAY. I have actually wished that her cancer would have come later so that Nash and Emerson could have known her for just a little while, or so she could have physically known them. But the minute I get all depressed and sad for the grandmother these kids will never know, I think back to April 17, 2008 and the weeks leading up to that day, and I am instantly reminded of the horrific emotional damage of cancer and I no longer feel sad. I actually feel glad she is done with all of it.

But as much as I want to pretend it all had not happened, April 17, 2008 will now become an anniversary for me and my family. As long as I live, I think I shall never forget that day. For all the sadness that day brought and for which I will always remember, there were also good things that I will recall as well. I will remember being the one that sat with her to the very end. Even my father was upstairs when she took her last breath. I will forever be grateful that I was given the opportunity to be the one that held her hand as she left this world. I will always remember holding her hand up to my incredibly warm cheeks telling her how happy I was that she was free from the hell she had endured for many months. And I will always remember whispering in her ear that it was okay for her to go and that everyone would be fine and well taken care of from that point on. And as a member of a family whose love language consists of doing for each other rather than saying gushy, emotional passages every now and again, I will always remember telling her that I loved her.

So, today I will think of you, mom, and for all the future April 17th days to come. You are and will always be in my heart. I miss you.

You can see the final products of today's painting. Ten items down and well on my way for this first show of 2009. Two more days of painting before vacation and I should be in a good place.

I have started to paint again. Day one in a new painting regime. There will be 26 days of painting in this latest cycle. I almost decided not to do this one and wait until the fall. It is getting less and less every year. This is okay. I like the idea of only three shows this year. So, today is the first day I have painted since 2008. Time to get back into a groove and here I go. Today, old wooden deck chairs that have been hanging on my dad's garage wall for about 100 years. They are probably in shock. Just wait to see what they will have in store for them after all these years. Let the creative juices flow.................

This me gettin' all frustrated by food. Damn it.

Okay, so unless I get hypnotized, develop amnesia, have a freaky Friday switch with some fruit lovin', all-natural ingredient guru, or develop the artful skill of bulimia, then I am and will remain screwed with food for the rest of my saturated fat life. Yes, this is what happens to a human body that believes Little Debbie's are a food group and can discuss the variations and significant taste nuances of any given potato chip invented in the last thirty years.

Everyone says, "take it slow, try changing a little at a time." Okay, this is like telling an alcoholic to just take a few sips of the boozy beverage instead of inhaling the liquor filled fantasy. But, I will try. If my life span is to drag on, say past year 40, then I need to try. For all of you reading this entry (all 1,000 of you) that live far away from me, thank the gods. You will not want to be anywhere near me.

What I can do IMMEDIATELY.

1. Continue to exclusively drink diet soda. I really don't believe in being in a monogamous relationship with just one soda, let alone with the Karen Carpenter variety, but this I can manage.

2. Stop eating after 8/9 pm. I do not go to bed until 11:30/Midnight, so a good three hours of no food prior to bed is a CAN DO. Also, no snacking during the middle of the night. Yes, I have been guilty of a Reeses peanut butter cup at 3 am. Quit judging me. If this was what you were looking at every day, well, I think YOU would need to medicate whenever possible.

3. Keep walking. And walking. And walking. Walked the track tonight and it was gorgeous outside. Plan to tomorrow night as well. Exercise is easier for me and it does help in the long run with burning some of those calories! I will try to walk as many days/nights as I can. Dr. Oz says it is essential to walk for at least 30 minutes daily. It should be considered like sleep, and we all try and do make time for that. A thirty minute walk should be no different. This I can manage. Maybe not EVERY day, but most.

These are the immediate plans and I am going to stop here as I know everything else I say will only be a lie or a very stretched version of the truth. Yes, fruits and veggies need to be included in my diet a lot more than they are currently appearing. They are kinda like the obscure actor with little to no story line that shows up every other Tuesday on the daily soap opera. Barely make the credits. However, to say I will replace the baked chips (yes, healthier than most) with fruit is just not entirely possible. I still get twinge of anxious fear when I think about it. It could come, maybe sooner rather than later, but it still scares me. I am open to any suggestions out there, so feel free to share ideas, snacks that are healthy (especially for the 4:30 sugar lows), and anything else that can help this poor boy. It is like learning to eat all over again. Except, I never ever really did learn in the first place. Damn those parents. I love to blame others.

My predictions as I have seen every movie nominated for Mr. Oscar this year. It was an outstanding year for excellent films. First listed is the film/performer that I think will win. The second is the one I would like to see win.

Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire / The Reader

Best Actor: Mickey Rourke / Sean Penn

Best Actress: Kate Winslet / Kate Winslet or Meryl Streep

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger / Heath Ledger

Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz / Viola Davis

Best Score: Slumdog Millionaire / Milk

Best Screenplay Original: Milk / Milk

Best Screenplay Adapted: Slumdog Millionaire / Doubt

Best Director: Slumdog Millionaire director / The Reader or Milk

Best Animated Film: Wall-E / Wall-E

Best Cinematography: Benjamin Button / Benjamin Button



We will see if my predictions come true. Enjoy the 81st Annual Academy Awards!

I am waterlogged tonight. Way thirsty and way tired after walking this evening. I have a new walking routine which includes a course that spans two gigantic hallways in my school building. Why this? Well, I actually fell over on my elliptical the other night. Yes, all three thousand pounds of me went unexpectedly flying to the cement floor as my exercise machine ripped in half. Wow, that was a sight. It was also encouraging. Right. I am sure the machine was groaning with exhausted terror every time I loaded myself onto it. It finally gave up the fight with a scene as dramatic as the Titanic tearing apart in the ocean. No Celine Dion here or any string quartet to capture the moment. Just leg scrapes and a pissed off thirty-eight year old who no longer owns a trusty piece of exercise equipment. So, when the weather is bad, the school halls will be my track. When the weather cooperates, the college track will see my face. Thank God spring will arrive someday sooner rather than later.

I also managed to destroy my handy humidifier the other night as well. I just commented the other day that my sinus crap/drainage/phlegm/throat irritations of the past have really disappeared this season. And I have credited it to my heat mist humidifier. Now the directions clearly state that for optimum performance, one should clean the device at least once a week. Well, in Jeff translation, that meant maybe once monthly. So, it was not to my surprise that the machine looked quite disturbing when I went to clean it two days ago. So, I mustered all the Emily in me and went to work at scrubbing that son-of-a-bitch until it looked new. Yes, there was a weak, yet wise voice from the couch that suggested the Soft Scrub I was using to scrape the pump clean, could possibly clog the unit. Did I listen? Hell no. My hands could not move fast enough to clean the dirt and the grime. So, that night, after feeling all accomplished at how well I cleaned the scale-infested humidifier, I plugged it in as I began my journey into unconsciousness. Within an hour of my descent into a major coma, I was jolted awake by the sound of a gurgling and popping noise that sounded like a four thousand pound man snoring at the top of his lungs. Knowing my room already suffered endlessly from the noises that came from my
gaping mouth every night, I knew this was not another sound that needed to be unleashed in my bedroom. Clearly the manic cleaning maneuvers that I prided myself in having possessed earlier that day, messed up the humidifier. It was still pumping hot mist, but now it was accompanied by this hideous sound that had not been there before. I should have left the damn thing alone. I have a new one now as you read this.

I also broke my cell phone that night, too. Crap. Nothing major, just the little cover that goes over the outlet plug for charging. Nobody would ever notice, but I do and that makes it infinitely worse. Crap, crap.

I'm so screwed. SO SCREWED!

Ahhhhhh. I have been walking/walk-running for well over a month now. I even walked on the college track last night and tonight. I love walking the track as there is so much more to see and breathe. I have a better time walking with my iPod when I walk on the track. It is easier to handle and control. The outdoors and the music playing in my ears really helps me to think and pass the time away quickly. I normally walk on my elliptical in the winter. The upward marching movement of the machine causes my crotch to reach up and snatch my iPod cord and sending my poor nano flying across the room. Damn irritating. The machine is also located in my storage room in the basement so all I see for thirty/thirty-five minutes is Christmas bags, bows, and holiday decor. Ugh. Christmas is so last year. However, the holidays will continue to invade my universe as the great weather is doomed to end tomorrow and I will be right back down in Christmas hell walking my life away.

My waistline, however, is not walking away or even attempting to suck itself in for my viewing pleasure. Fantastic. With all this walking, I should be a little lighter, maybe? Perhaps? Hell no. Maybe three pounds, if I am lucky, and this is usually in the dead of morning after my nightly fast and when I am stark naked. Exasperation takes over East 1st Avenue. I guess I should not be surprised. I know I have been good at the exercise gig lately, however, the food part of the equation for weight loss and healthier living is still on vacation. This is where the screwed part comes into play.

You know the age old philosophy, move more, eat less? Well, I have received the handbook on the move more and have even assembled many of the parts. The eat less? Well, I guess I have interpreted that to mean eat less of fruits, vegetables, and all other healthy crap. See the problem with this is that I walk and exercise but clearly it is not enough for the food intake the my body inhales each and every day. Should I eat way less and dare to even eat on the healthier side of the menu, perhaps results would come in more favorably. This is not rocket science. I however, have many handicaps and they are not to my advantage. I hate fruit, like very, very few vegetables, have had yogurt but thought it tasted like bittersweet gasoline, and granola bars and snacks are nothing more, in my opinion, than particles scattered from G28 outside of Parnell, Iowa. I tend to frown at eating gravel roads. So, what to eat? What to do? I feel so screwed. I can do the exercise but the food (especially the only-kids-under-eighteen-should-eat kind of food) is a demon that overpowers me each and every day. From this point forward I shall refer to this food demon as Trog.

Another issue is that Trog is more than a source of nourishment for me. Seriously. Trog has become the drug of my choice. I am not a drinker, no longer a smoker (and that was way easy to quit), and I have never abused, or even tried for that matter, drugs of any kind. So, food has morphed into Trog as I do possess a fondness for addiction. When I was young, it was my thumb. Now, it is Trog. I so often think I know what it feels like for an alcoholic. But then I realize that the key to managing alcoholism is to stop drinking. Well, a person can continue living without drinking. My problem is that my addiction is to something that a person can not quit unless they plan to die quickly. So, I can not figure out how to manage this. I am also very close to Trog, so when I try to cancel the frequent rendezvous's with him, I become very agitated and very unhappy. I feel that if Trog needs to have only limited visitations, then I need to be free of all other responsibilities and duties so that I can sweat and shake my frustration away. Please, do not put me in front of children. I will become a frequent guest of the DHS Motel. But in all seriousness, when I can't enjoy Trog, well, I really do not enjoy life and I begin to think what the hell is the point then?

So, yeah, Trog came over to play again today. Actually, many times. Three times for Reeses peanut butter hearts (thanks secret cupid-fuel the addiction), twice for fully leaded Mountain Dew, Subway 6 incher with Doritos for lunch, topping it off with Chinese and salad for dinner. Yeah, and Trog made me lick the Chinese carry-out tray clean. And he still wants to play.

Screwed, screwed, screwed, screwed.

Rest in peace Donna. Give mom a big hug from me. I am glad two friends have been reunited on the beginning of this new year. Take care of each other and make room for all of us someday.

Thank you for everything. I will miss you, but will cherish your memory everyday.

Love,

Jeffers

I really love this time of year. Really. I don't like to dwell on it too terribly much, but I really love this time of year. It is my favorite. Do I mind the craziness? Nope. Do the crowds and hectic schedules annoy me? Not really. My blood pressure may say otherwise, but really it does not. I actually like it. I, however, two days before Christmas find myself starting the post-Christmas blues. I get very depressed after the holiday. I am always sad. But that feeling starts to swirl a little sooner each year.

I guess that what I really love is the Christmas time of year rather than the actual holiday. Now, if that is on Wal-Mart's time frame, then the Christmas time of year would be two weeks prior to Halloween. And you know, I start to feel it building in myself then as well. Wal-Mart must cater to people like me. And I am really okay with that. Like I said before, I really do not like to discuss my insane love of Christmas all that much. It seems like the trend, which has become the norm, is to complain and gripe about the holiday season. Well, that's okay with me, too. That has started to become a tradition to hear from everyone every year and I will enjoy it because it is Christmas time. You won't find me complaining and if I do, well, I am really faking it as to appear to be normal.

But the depression starts earlier each year because I am in love with the journey to Christmas rather than the actual celebration. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My family really goes all out with the gifts and razzle-dazzle. This I love, too. However, the gathering gifts, wrapping them, attending Christmas events and concerts, and even doing pre-holiday cooking and baking are what I love more than anything. Well, I do not bake all that much, but my sister does and my mom did. I love/loved all of it. I especially love the Christmas movies and specials on TV during this time of year. There are so many I want to watch but simply run out of time for doing it. It is truly my favorite part. So, I guess I like the anticipation and preparation for Christmas. The journey is a far better than the destination. So, seeing this is December 23, my days of anticipation and hustle-bustle are done and gone and I am starting to feel depressed. No more gifts to buy, wrap, load, or place appropriately under the tree.

This post reminds me of the Carpenter's Song, Merry Christmas Darling, where Karen sings of the greeting cards being sent and the Christmas rush being through. This is what I get most depressed about even two days prior to Christmas. I am excited for Christmas this year and I am looking forward to it. I love watching people open the gifts I have purchased/made for them. Giving is truly the best gift of all. I already miss the commotion of Christmas 2008 but have already started exciting thoughts for Christmas 2009 and what I will do, decorate, participate in, and enjoy. Only 334 days to go.

The Merriest of Christmases to you and yours.